More On Spanking

Yep, I'm still pretty riled up about this subject. Below is an article published in TIME on May 10, 2010 about the long-term effects of spanking children.



The Long-Term Effects of Spanking

By Alice Park

As many parents can attest, few disciplinary measures stop a child from misbehaving as quickly as a swift smack or two on the bottom.


But in a new study published in Pediatrics, researchers at Tulane University provide the strongest evidence yet that children's short-term response to spanking may make them act out more in the long run. Of the nearly 2,500 youngsters in the study, those who were spanked more frequently at age 3 were much more likely to be aggressive by age 5.

The study, led by community-health-sciences professor Catherine Taylor, was the first to control for a host of issues affecting the mother, such as depression, alcohol and drug use, spousal abuse and even whether she considered abortion while pregnant with the child. After controlling for all these factors — each of which can contribute to a child's aggression — spanking remained a strong predictor of violent behavior. "The odds of a child being more aggressive at age 5 increased by 50% if he had been spanked more than twice in the month before the study began," says Taylor.


The association remained even after her team accounted for varying levels of natural aggression in children, suggesting, she says, that "it's not just that children who are more aggressive are more likely to be spanked."


Among mothers surveyed in 20 cities when their children were both 3 and 5 years old, nearly half (45.6%) reported not spanking their 3-year-olds in the previous month, 27.9% reported spanking once or twice that month, and 26.5% reported spanking more than twice. As 5-year-olds, the children who had been spanked were more likely than the nonspanked to be defiant, demand immediate satisfaction of their wants and needs, become frustrated easily, have temper tantrums and lash out physically against other people or animals.


The reason for this may be that spanking sets up a loop of bad behavior. Corporal punishment instills fear rather than understanding. Even if children stop tantrums when spanked, that doesn't mean they get why they shouldn't have been acting up in the first place. What's more, spanking sets a bad example, teaching children that aggressive behavior is a solution to their parents' problems.
"There is now some nice hard data that can back up clinicians when they share their caution with parents against using corporal punishment," says Dr. Jayne Singer, clinical director of the child and parent program at Children's Hospital Boston, who was not involved with the Tulane study.


The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) does not endorse spanking under any circumstance. It's a form of punishment that becomes less effective with repeated use, according to the AAP; it also makes discipline more difficult as the child outgrows it.


Instead of spanking, the AAP recommends time-outs, which typically involve denying the child any interaction, positive or negative, for a specified period of time. These quiet moments force children to calm down and think about their emotions rather than acting on them reflexively. After all, the goal of punishment is to get children to understand not just that they did something wrong but also what motivated them to do it.

Conversation At Denny's/We Have A Social Butterfly

Daniel and I had dinner at Denny's tonight, and I overheard a conversation of the people in the booth next to us. They were talking about methods of discipline, and said that there is no better way to discipline a child than by spanking. In fact, one individual stated that if one doesn't spank their children, they spoil their children.

Yeah, I'm totally NOT okay with that. In fact, I am firmly against spanking as a form of discipline. No matter how you look at it, if you spank, your hand is still forcibly coming in contact with a child's body. That's still hitting. This is just me talking, but spanking is still hitting, the word is just sugar-coated a little. By having the need to hit a child, it shows that a caregiver is not in control of him/herself, and is using bullying as a method of maintaining control over a situation.

Spanking could also be seen as a double-standard. As parents, we generally teach our children it's not acceptable to hit others. If we allow ourselves to spank/hit them, it teaches them that 1) it's okay to hit if you want someone to do what you want them to do, and 2) we're not consistent in our teachings.

This is probably one of the few things that I both get heated up about as well as am outspoken about. If I offend anyone with this, please know that I'm sorry you may feel upset, but I don't apologize for how I feel on this one. In my experience with children, even the most mis-behaved children will respond to other forms of discipline, and I've never needed or wanted to hit a child to get him/her to behave.



Alright, now that the serious stuff is all done, I want to share some funny Anya moments!

• When we were at the WIC office, Anya started talking to ANYONE she saw! She jabbered and had staring contests with babies, smiled and giggled at grown-ups, and even went as far as yelling to get people to look at her.
• When we take her to visit my dad in the hospital, she gets mad if we pay more attention to him than her. She also doesn't understand why Grandpa doesn't hold her, and when she's interested in looking at him, does EVERYTHING she can to charm him into picking her up.
• Has just learned how to splash water completely out of the baby bathtub. She thinks this is hilarious, and will laugh her head off while splashing in the water.

Amazing...

Have you ever, while trying to make an illigal U-turn and causing a traffic jam in the process, flipped off EVERY person who looked at you/may have glanced your way? No? Neither have I, but when we were about to get on the freeway today, we saw a crazed psycho do just that.

We were trying to get into the left turn lane to get from State Street to 7200 south, and some van driver was totally stopped in it. We went around them, I looked at the driver like, "seriously? Moron," and she flipped us off! Then, as she floored it and nearly ran another driver off the road in her psychotic rage of a U-turn, she sticks her hand out the window and flips off the driver she nearly killed!

So, driver of the van, apparently using the little holes in the wall to do your hair into a ball of friz not only succeeds in making you look like crap. It also gives you poor people skills and driving abilities. I hate you. The end.

2 Month Stats

Anya weighed in at 8 lb 10 oz (slightly bigger than Anna when Anna was born lol) putting her in the 5th percentile for her weight

She is a whopping 22 inches long, and in the 50th percentile for her length

Her head circumferance is...something? I can't remember the number, but she's in the 5th percentile for her head circumference.

Overall, she's like a little grown-up porportionally, and quite unporportioned for a baby her age.

The poor girl got her shots today! She was chatting with the nurse, and WHAM! She stuck Anya with a needle! Poor little banana screamed! Thankfully, once the shots were over, Daniel gave her the binky, and I cuddled her, and she quieted down to a wimper. It wasn't nearly as bad for us as her parents as I thought it would be, and she felt happier when we got home, fed her, and changed her diaper. She even played with Daniel while on the changing table for a bit before fussing again!

I Yelled At The Computer Guy

So, it turns out that there aren't many Mac repair shops ANYWHERE! I found 2 in the Salt Lake Area, and neither were of any help to me.

As a consumer who hopes people read her blog, I want to tell how one company is ridiculously expensive and how the other caused me to yell at some poor salesman and made me cry.

Today, I went to SimplyMac, hoping to get my MacBook fixed. The backlight on my monitor is having issues, and I REALLY need it fixed. The tech I spoke with treated me like an idiot. (Which, when it comes to computers, I'm not as smart as he his, most likely. He didn't have to treat me like a preschooler for Pete's sake!) After going in circles, he told me that unless we have AppleCare (which we don't...) it would be $75 to just LOOK at the computer to see what's wrong! What kind of crap is that?? So I took the computer and had to go home and ask Daniel about AppleCare, since I wasn't sure if we had it.

I refused to pay $75 just for them to tell me my computer doesn't work. (Morons...) This lead me to find a different store, ExperCom. I called them, and the guy I spoke with told me what he thought was wrong, quoted me a price to fix it (without a stupid $75 charge to tell me it's broken) and told me I could bring it in today and they would take a look at it. Confident in the system again, I hurried myself and my MacBook to South Jordan (when I COULD have stayed home to comfort my fussy baby) where the guy WASN"T EVEN THERE! Some idiot sales rep told me they couldn't even LOOK at it until Monday since they wouldn't order the part until Monday. Um...seriously? I told him that I just wanted to know exactly what is wrong with the computer, since it could be potentially up to $800 to fix it. He told me there was no way ANYONE could look at it until Monday since they didn't have the parts.

I'll admit, I freaked out a little at this point. My baby had been crying all day, Daniel starts work on Monday and will take the car so I have absolutely no way of getting it to a repair shop, I'd gone to South Jordan for what was now no reason, and this punk had obviously no idea what he was doing and was unsuccessfully BSing his way through his workday. (The guy who was in line in front of me was having issues with the jerk as well.)

I told him I was frustrated that I had come there and wasted my time just to be told they can't help me. He then looked up the parts, quoted me the exact same thing as the guy on the phone, and thought he'd done a good job. Instead of causing a HUGE scence and ripping the guy a new one when the guy I spoke on the phone with deserved to be yelled at as well, I took my computer, got in the car, and called Daniel to complain to him about this horrible company. My computer is still not fixed, and it seems like, even in an economic recession, no one wants my money to fix it.

So, my rating for Expercom: well, there's no number low enough to emphasize my point, so lets say if a giant foot from the sky starts stomping on South Jordan, I hope it finds ExperCom and only ExperCom. Then I would laugh and have an unrighteous sense of gratification.

My rating for SimplyMac: -3. You. Suck.

Now, since I have no idea what else to do, if anyone out there reading this knows of some kind of Mac Repair place, PLEASE let me know.


Oh, and one last note, for those who saw my Facebook status offering free dinner to the first person who gets my baby to nap at least 60 minutes, I'm upping the reward to free dinner and two pans of fudge.

Guess Who's Almost Sleeping Through The Night

Anya!

Last night, she only woke up twice to eat, and quickly fell back to sleep right after eating. The night before, she let me sleep 6 hours straight without waking me up to feed her. My baby rocks!

Everyone In The World Is Stupid Except Me...

Alright, so that isn't true by any means, but it sure felt good to say.

So, my loyal readers, time to hear me rant for a moment or two.

Guess who pretty much lost another commission thanks to events and individuals completely out of his hands? Guess what that means for us?

1.  We have no money, and no prospects for money for a while.
2.  This means that my maternal instincts are causing me to want to tear someone's (anyone's) eyes out since our  financial situation only allows us to pay for rent, gas, some food, and utilities. Oh, and diapers. Our house would smell bad without diapers. I am thankful Anya is too little for baby food and has lots of clothing given to us for when she gets bigger. Since I breastfeed, we don't buy formula. On a side note, right after I talked about my house smelling bad without diapers, a smelly diaper smell wafted over to me. Oh the irony that makes up my life...
3. This also means that I am forced to watch my husband struggle emotionally without being able to do a single thing to make it better for him. This is probably the hardest thing about all of this. I strive to be supportive, but he, as a man, needs to be able to provide for his family. When I say this, I don't mean that I refuse to work because a man should take care of me. (If I thought that, I'd loathe me.) This attitude of needing to provide is part of Daniel's character. He has been looking for another job, but hasn't been able to land one yet. This is so hard on him as well. Watching the man I love struggle so much is very much tearing me apart.

Alright, rant's over. I am very thankful for the things we do have. We don't have any debt. We have a decent place to live and the rent isn't outrageous. Anya's smiles can lift our spirits no matter how low we feel.

Aww, speaking of whom, just woke up with the cutest, saddest little face at realizing she needs a new diaper. Poor diaper baby.

I Will Believe

I know that my Redeemer lives. I know that he loves me and desires me to be with Him.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and I believe this to be the most true and most right church. It is spearheaded by the living Christ, who is as real and as tangible as I am. He loves us unconditionally, but doesn't always have to approve of our choices and actions. As a parent to my sweet little daughter, my love for her will never diminish, but there will be times when she makes choices that I will not like or approve of. These choices may hurt me and others around her. As I may chastise her in these instances, that doesn't change the love I have for my child. The same goes for the Lord. As we make decisions that he may not like or approve of, he will chastise us to teach us correct principles. If I discipline my daughter as she gets older, it is because I love her and want to teach her correct principles.

As the Lord lives, I have made covenants, or promises, to follow Him. I have been baptized into the church by the authority of the Priesthood which was given to men from the literal hands of the Lord. I prepared and was able to go to the temple, where I made further covenants to keep the commandments. I made the commitment to become married, and, with my husband, was married and sealed by the same Priesthood to the man of my dreams. Because of this, my marriage will not end at the grave, but continue on for all eternity. Because of the Plan of Salvation, the child that we lost will still be our child, and we the child's parents, for all eternity.

This isn't meant to cause contention. I wholeheartedly respect every person's right to believe what they wish. If I share what I believe, I will listen to others' beliefs. However, if a person wishes to argue about how my beliefs are wrong and refuse to listen to my opinions on the matter, I must respectfully decline to discuss the matter with those individuals. I work to try to understand others' opinions and have a calm, intellegent conversation with others, trying to find common ground and, at times, agreeing to disagree. Please allow me the same courtesy with my beliefs and opinions.